An excerpt from a project by Barbi Gracner, reposted here with the kind permission of the author, someone whom we consider will one day shine a bright light on the rich diversity that is an XXY life.
Since childhood, we all learn to wear different masks. They grow with our skin. And it’s hard for us to determine who we are on the other side of the mask. What is mine in me, besides the expectations of others? And fear arises. What happens if I take off a mask?
I took off one of my masks when I knew that I am intersex. I was scared. I hated my androgynous body. I hated the world, which denied me, erased my non-binary identity, saying that there is only male and female. I tried to find another mask. Instead, I found the void.
And I decided to find other intersex people because I thought it could help me find my face through their faces. But it was a hoax.
Yes, I found the intersex community. I became an intersex activist. I helped others, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t find my face; I was disappointed. And I realized that I was always looking for it in the wrong place.
Under the mask, there is always your own face. It takes courage to admit it, accept and love. Love the beauty in yourself, and you can see this beauty in the world around you. It is difficult to help others if you don’t have love in yourself.
So, I just started my journey …
Thanks to everyone who is in my heart, despite the distance separating us.